GRAY MATTERS

ever think of writing a book?

first what is it going to be about, the subject matter?

is it fiction or nonfiction, and which one of those means true or fake? (i can know the answer of that question and walk into a library or a bookstore, err, do a search on my ipod and have no idea which side of the aisle to be on).

finally, thinking of everything even before word one is written, sometimes a title is best to know in the beginning. . .

so i am thinking of writing my (true) adventures from writing this blog, personal history, BS BS BS, emails i have written to my family, and general thoughts and insane dreams of a person with depression. i feel its important to understand what this is like because if people knew what clinical, suicidal depression was like and not just know how to treat it, it may get more attention and possibly a cure. instead of giving more money to pharms for meds that just make you more depressed and/or suicidal. (i believe the suicide part is intensified when you are on any particular med that said it would be the panacea to your ailment and it turns out to be a fictional story by big pharm.)

anyway, i decided on a title for the book of short stories and thoughts and decided to call it "Gray Matters".  (BTW google is saying its spelled gray or grey but it depends on where you are writing it from. the UK thinks they're so above REAL english. . . american slang.)

above all else when you have ass pain while excreting solid waste it makes you realize how good you had it ten minutes ago.  after a while if the pain continues, you eventually have to get your ass split so its easier for the solid waste to be released from the trap door. i had just gotten out of the hospital and went to the drug store for some drugs and walked to the back of the store for my prescription. i stand in front of the counter waiting with my new acquisitions of metamucil and tucks medicated pads (bring on the late thirties!) and i see there's a rack of books waiting to be bought. what is the one that i see? "How to Deal with Annoying People". i decide against buying this book due to the fact that a sober me is terribly annoying and i will just notice how other people deal with me vs how i'd deal with other annoying people. i put that book down and spin the carousel... guess what i need at this point...?



a new title. although as i reread this one immediately while watching "modern marvels' history of snack foods" i think of better title yet it has a few connotations... hopefully i won't need to go back to the drug store and see a new book on the rack called "Blue Matters"... thinking more on the depression side of blue vs a comedian who works blue.