IN FACT THIS EMAIL WAS SENT DURING THE WEEK AFTER THE FUN OCCURRED. ANOTHER GAME WENT BY AND YET THE FOLLOWING TUESDAY IT HAD BEEN FOUND OUT ABOUT THE KIDS AND MR SANDUSKY. AS SAD AS I AM FOR THE KIDS I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER IT OCCURRED AT PSU. I'VE HATED THE FOOTBALL TEAM FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER BREATHING, SO THIS HORRIBLE MAR ON THE MUSEUM QUALITY POLISHED MIRROR OF PSU MAKES ME FEEL GOOD TO KNOW THEY ARE NOW LOOKING MORE DEEPLY AT THEMSELVES THAN THE NONEXISTENT GAME AHEAD.
OTHERWISE, HOLLYWOOD, GIMME A CALL, THIS ONE IS WORTHY OF A MOVIE. THE WIND WAS AMAZING AND COULD MAKE FOR A GOOD CAMPING THRILLER NOT UNLIKE THE CHARACTER THAT FIRE PLAYED IN "BACKDRAFT"...
ENJOY:
PSU V PURDUE 2011: A VEGETARIAN TAILGATE
COULD IT BE THE WAR OF WORLDS? NOT REALLY. HOT AIR? POSSIBLY AND I MAY HAVE FOUND THE SOURCE OF THAT IF AIR WERE WORDS ON A PREGAME EMAIL… BUT THE WORD OF THE WEEKEND WAS W-I-N-D… I REMEMBER SEEING THE FORECAST OF “WINDY” HERE IN MECHANICSBURG AND THAT IT MAY GUST TO 40+. WELL, THE LITTLE PIG IN THE BRICK HOUSE HAS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT… MAKE YOUR HOUSE OUT OF HAY HOWEVER, AND YOU MAY AS WELL TRY YOUR LUCK WITH SOME TAFFETA AND NYLON… IN THEORY IT WORKS FINE. ADD A GUST OF WIND AND YOU DON’T HAVE A HOUSE… NO NO NO… YOU HAVE A SAIL.
ALTHOUGH THIS WEEKEND WAS DIFFERENT, A LOT OF THE NORMAL “MR G’S PREPARTY” CROWD COULDN’T MAKE IT THIS YEAR. WHETHER YOUR EXCUSE WAS ATTENDING A WEDDING, “OUR HONEYMOON” (SORRY WE’RE ON A DOMINICAN BEACH… ENJOY THE TORNADO.... DARN HIPPIES CAN’T BE WRONG), OR THE FLU… IF THERE WAS ANY REASON YOU COULDN’T COME TO THIS PSU WEEKEND, WELL, IT WAS A GOOD ONE. BECAUSE THE WEATHER WAS A SONNNOFABITCH. BUT THAT WASN’T THE ONLY NEMESIS OF THE WEEKEND…
I LEFT WORK FRIDAY ONLY TO BE CONFRONTED WITH A FEW OBSTACLES GOING HOME. NAMELY OTHER PEOPLE’S PROBLEMS, AND I’M NOT DOWN WITH O.P.P... THERE WAS A STUCK TRUCK UNDER A BRIDGE ON FRONT STREET AND SLOWED TRAFFIC TO A HALT THEN HEADING HOME I FINALLY ARRIVED WITHOUT KNOWLEDGE OF OTHER ISSUES. THIS YEAR WAS DIFFERENT. MARC AND I DECIDED TO MEET AT HIS HOUSE AND NOT JONNY MAC’S CAUSE IT WAS JUST EASIER TO THE WEST SHORIANS. IT TURNED OUT TO BE A BAAD DECISION IF YOU WANTED TO LEAVE EARLY.
FIRST A CAR FIRE. YES. IF YOU’VE NEVER SEEN A CAR ON FIRE IN THE REAL WORLD, IT’S A SPECTACLE TO SEE. FLAMES SO HIGH AND THE FRAME OF THE CAR IS THE ONLY THING KEEPING THE BRIGHTNESS FROM BURNING THROUGH YOUR EYES, LIKE LOOKING UNPROTECTED AT A WELDER IN ACTION.
NATURALLY IT AFFECTED TRAFFIC AND MY INABILITY TO REMEMBER IT WAS GOING TO BE COLD AND TO GRAB A JACKET MADE ME GO BACK HOME AND GET SAID JACKET. ON THE WAY HOME A BUILDING FIRE ON ST JOHN’S CHURCH (ROAD) SLOWED TRAFFIC EVEN MORE.
WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM GPS, I FINALLY ARRIVED AT MARC’S PLACE AND WE LOADED UP AND HEADED OFF. WE NORMALLY LEAVE AROUND 5:30ISH AND ONCE AGAIN NOTHING WAS NORMAL. WE HEADED OUT AROUND 6:30ISH AND 322 WASN’T BAD AT ALL. MAYBE MORE PEOPLE WERE SICK THAT WEEKEND… OR MAYBE THEY READ THE WEATHER REPORT AND THOUGHT “ONLY AN IDIOT WOULD GO TO THIS GAME” SO THEY DECIDED TO HOLD OFF AND STAY HOME. HOW SMART AND RIGHT THEY WERE.
WE ARRIVED AT 9:03PM AND SET UP. IF JUST PUTTING DOWN MARC’S TARP TO PUT HIS TENT ON WAS ANY INDICATION, IT WAS GONNA BE A LONG STRUGGLE WITH THE WIND. BUT ALSO I THINK IF WE HAD TO SET UP TENTS IN SUNLIGHT WE COULDN’T DO SO WITH SUCH EFFICIENCY AND EXPERTISE AS WE DO IN THE DARK. AND OF COURSE WHEN YOU HAVE AN EXPERIENCED HOLDER OF FLASHLIGHTS AS BETH HELPING YOU OUT, THINGS JUST GO SO MUCH SMOOTHER, ERR WHATEVER “SHE” SAID.
WE WENT INSIDE FOR SOME FRIDAY NIGHT FOOD AND THEN THE WAIT WAS ON… I KNEW MY COUSIN KIWI WOULD BE ON THE WAY, I JUST DIDN’T KNOW HOW WELL HE’D DO WITH DIRECTIONS. ITS HIS SECOND TIME COMING, BUT FIRST DRIVING, AND I HAVE TO SAY FOR MYSELF, KNOWING WHICH WAY IS LEFT IS AN ACCOMPLISHMENT. BUT KIWI, ARMED WITH A GIFT ONLY JONNY MAC COULD UNDERSTAND, GOT TO THE COUNTRY CONVENIENCE STORE ON HIS OWN AND WITH OUR “SHOTTY” DIRECTIONS, FOUND HIS WAY TO THE YARD. WHEN YOU LOOK AT THAT FIRST PIC OF HIM WITH THE FOOTBALL, ALL YOU CAN DO IS SCREAM “KIWI!!!!!!!!!!!!!” WHICH WOULD CAPTION IT WELL.
WE SET HIM UP, RE-INTRODUCED HIM TO CHARLENE AND THE REST OF THE CREW, HAD AN OBLIGATORY BOWL OF SOUP, AND CHILLED OUT FOR THE NIGHT.
EVERY YEAR THERE IS A NEW FACE OF THE PARTY, AND THIS YEAR IT WAS CHRISTINE… TEEN? NO, “TINE”! KIWI’S FIANCEE CAME WITH HIM TO EXPERIENCE WHAT WE ALL HAVE KNOWN FOR YEARS… PSU IS A GOOD TIME, SICK OR NOT, AND LOOKING BACK SHE DID WELL ON HER FIRST TIME, BUT THOSE STORIES WILL COME OUT AS WE GO ALONG.
IN THE BASEMENT THE KEARNEYS HAVE A HUGE BAR SETUP COMPLETE WITH STOOLS, SIGNS, LIGHTS, AND A FULLY STOCKED BAR. I COULD IMAGINE HAVING A FINE TIME THERE FOR A NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY A FEW ELBOW EXERCISES AGO, AS LONG AS I DIDN’T HAVE TO SLEEP IN A TENT THAT NEW YEAR’S NIGHT. THE FUN PART WASN’T THE BAR OR SWEET SITTING AREA, IT WAS THE POOL TABLES. NOW, IF YOU RECALL WHEN YOU MAKE IT DOWN THERE, YOU FIND OUT QUICKLY WHAT THE STEP OUTSIDE THE FIRST STAGE OF HELL MUST FEEL LIKE. IT’S ABOUT 100 DEGREES, AND WITHIN ABOUT 20 MINUTES YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THERE FOR FEAR OF BECOMING BEEF JERKY. BUT WITH THE AMBIANCE OF A 70’S MOVIE SET, AND 2 (COUNT ‘EM, TWO) POOL TABLES, IT WAS DECIDED A NICE THAW AND FRIDAY NIGHT CHILL INSIDE WAS IN ORDER. CHARLENE CAME DOWN WITH US AND SHOWED US WHICH ONE WAS THE “GOOD” POOL TABLE. SO WE DECIDED TO USE THAT VS THE ONE WHERE THE BALLS WERE JUST SET UP AND WAITING TO BE BROKEN… LITTLE DID I KNOW THAT WHEN LIFTING OFF THE RACK ON THE “BAD” POOL TABLE THAT ALL THE BALLS GRAVITATED TOWARD THE CENTER OF THE TABLE. BUT I FIGURED THAT WAS OK, THAT WAS THE “BAD” POOL TABLE.
FIRST UP WAS KIWI AND MYSELF, AND WHAT WE KNEW WAS KIWI WAS 1-UP ON ME FROM A GAME WE HAD A FEW MOONS AGO. YEAH, I SUNK THE 8 BALL OFF A BAD CAREM, (KAREM?) BUT RULES ARE RULES AND HE HAD ONE GAME UP ON ME. WHEN YOU BREAK ON THE GOOD POOL TABLE YOU FIND OUT THAT THE GOOD POOL TABLE MEANS THE BALLS STAY STEADY WHEN YOU PULL THE RACK OFF. AFTER THAT YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN. ONCE WHILE MARC AND CHRISTINE SHOT, THERE WAS A SHOT WHERE NO RAILS WERE HIT, THE CUE BALL MADE A COMPLETE 360 DEGREE CIRCLE, AND 2 BALLS WERE PUT IN THE POCKETS. I’D LIKE TO SEE THE MYTHBUSTERS TRY AND DISPROVE THAT ONE, BUT IT HAPPENED.
DID I WIN? YES BUT I LOST TO MARC ON A SCRATCH LATER ON… BUT AGAIN, STEVE MIZERAK HAD NO CHANCE ON THESE TABLES… I THINK RORY MCILROY WOULDN’T HAVE EVEN FOUND THE HOLE READING THESE GREENS. YET THE IMPORTANCE OF EACH SHOT WAS SUCH A SWEET DIVERSION FROM THE REALITY OF WORLD GOINGSONS. IT WAS A BOATLOAD OF FUN AND WE ALL HAD A LAUGH AT THE SIMPLE DIRECTION OF ROLLING BALLS ON A TABLE.
FROM POOL THOUGH IT WAS GETTING LATE AROUND MIDNIGHT AND WE DECIDED TO MAKE OUR WAY TO OUR RESPECTIVE BEDROOMS AND FOUND OUR WAY OUTSIDE…
WHAT WE KNEW? IT WOULD BE CHILLY. WHAT WE DIDN’T KNOW? WE WERE NEVER IN KANSAS NOR NEVER INTENDED TO BE IN KANSAS… BUT I SWORE I HEARD A YOUNG GIRL CLUTCHING HER LITTLE DOG SAYING “WE’RE NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE TOTO”… THE WIND WAS EXTREME. WE FELL ASLEEP, ERR, LAID IN OUR FREEZERS FOR 20 MINUTES COMPLAINING HOW DUMB WE WERE FOR EVEN COMING, HOW STUPID SLEEPING IN A TORNADO WAS IN LESS THAN A 1MM THICK TENT, AND HOW LOUD THE TREES WERE. THE GOOD THING THOUGH, THE DOGS KNEW TO STAY IN THE GARAGE. US? WE WERE BEING KEPT UP BY TENTS ARCHING THE WRONG WAY AND HAVING THE “WALLS” SMACK US IN THE FACE AS WE TRIED TO GO TO SLEEP. MARC MENTIONED HE HAD A “SLEEP AID” AND IT WAS DECIDED THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA. NOPE. NOTHING COULD ESCAPE YOU FROM THIS WIND. WE DECIDED TELEPATHICALLY IF WE ALL PUT A CONCERTED EFFORT INTO DOING THE CIRCADIAN THING AND KNOWING IT WAS NIGHT TIME, JUST S-L-E-E-P. ONE SHEEP, TWO SHEEP…
I THINK I WAS THE ONE WHO BROKE THE LOOONG SILENCE AND SAID “THIS IS STUPID”. APPARENTLY I WASN’T THE ONLY ONE WHO WAS AWAKE. YOU HEARD THE TREES CREEK AND MOAN AND ARCH TO MAX CAPACITY AND RUSTLE WITH EVERY FORCE OF NATURE IMAGINABLE TO KEEP YOU UP AT NIGHT AND YOU THINK “WOW, THAT’S SOME STRONG WIND…” … NO, IT WAS A WARNING BELL TO STAND UP AND HOLD ON. I HAD NEVER BEEN OUT THERE IN THAT FIELD AND THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE. THIS NIGHT MAY HAVE BEEN A GOOD ONE FOR THAT. BUT AS WE ALL THOUGHT IT HAD BEEN 6 HOURS TRYING TO GET TO SLEEP, MARC INFORMED US NO, IT WAS ONLY AN HOUR OF STRUGGLE. WE HAD 6 MORE HOURS OF THIS TO GO.
KIWI SAID “YOU KNOW, RAIN WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER RIGHT NOW THAN WIND. I WISH IT WAS RAINING INSTEAD OF BEING THIS WINDY…” WHO KNEW THE KID HAD IT IN HIM TO CHANGE THE WEATHER? GRANTED, HE DIDN’T CALL UP TO THE SKY ON HIS CELLPHONE PUTTING IN THE REQUEST SO IT TOOK A LITTLE BIT LONGER FOR HIS REQUEST TO MAKE IT TO THE SKY… AND AT 430AM?
*TINK
*TINK
*TINK
*TINK TONK
*TINK TONK TANK TINKTONKTANK…*
IT WENT FROM A TERRIBLY WINDY NIGHT TO HURRICANE LEE. I WAS WORRIED MY TENT’S BASEMENT WAS GOING TO FLOOD, SO I MOVED ALL MY STUFF TO HIGHER GROUND (THANKS RAFT, ERR, AIR MATTRESS) BUT ALL MY PREVIOUS EXPERIENCES WERE WITH A DIFFERENT TENT THAT ALLOWED FOR MOATS INSIDE THEM. THIS IS THE ONE REASON I BOUGHT THIS TENT. EUREKA TETRAGONS HAVE THE UNBELIEVABLE ABILITY (PER THE REVIEWERS’ COMMENTS ALL AROUND) TO WITHSTAND RAIN. AND I NOW HAVE TO ADD MINE TO IT. NOT A DROP. I WAS DRY AS A FEATHER YET THREW ON MY RAINSUIT TO GET TO THE HOUSE. I BOUGHT THE RAINSUIT AFTER THE IOWA GAME YEARS AGO, SO I MAY AS WELL USE IT HERE. LUCKILY THOUGH IT WAS 630AM BY NOW, AND THE RAIN STOPPED ENOUGH TO GET A FEW SATURDAY MORNING PHOTOS OF THE SUN JUST OVER THE HORIZON.
NOTHING BRIGHTENS YOUR DAY LIKE A SUNRISE AT SAMS. IT’S JUST BEAUTIFUL, SERENE, AND OF COURSE LITERAL. THE SUN BRIGHTENS UP EVERY DAY WHETHER ITS CLOUDY OR NOT.
(LOOKING OVER THE RAIN SOAKED ELECTRONIC DAMAGE, WE HAD ONE CASUALTY. MARC’S CAMERA. SO COLLEGE GIRLS, YOU’RE LUCKY YOU’RE DOWN TO JUST ONE OLDER CREEP. AND THANKS FOR WEARING THE APPROPRIATE ATTIRE.)
THE SOGGY GROGGY CAMPERS MADE IT TO THE KITCHEN AND NOBODY, EVEN THOSE INSIDE THE HOUSE, COULD STOP TALKING ABOUT THE WIND. KIWI THOUGHT THAT MARC AND I WERE MESSING WITH HIS TENT ALL NIGHT… MARC AND I THOUGHT THERE WAS A BEAR… ALAN, WHO SAID HE WOULD BE IN HIS TREE STAND MOST OF THE MORNING WAITING FOR AN UNSUSPECTING BUCK TO WALK BY, DECIDED TO PLAY IT SAFE WHEN HIS TREE STAND STARTED SWAYING NOT A FEW INCHES BUT FEET LEFT TO RIGHT, AND WHEN HE SAW TREES FALLING AROUND HIM HE CAME HOME. HE DIDN’T WANT TO BE A STATISTIC IN THIS WRAPUP... BUT I THOUGHT SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH HIM THIS WEEKEND BECAUSE, IN FACT, UNLIKE THOSE GOOFBALLS SLEEPING IN TENTS OUTSIDE, ALAN WAS USING LOGIC.
NINA CALLED EVENTUALLY AND FIGURED HER WAY OUT TO SAMS. SHE BROUGHT A FRIEND OF HERS WITH HER NAMED JOE AND ONCE AGAIN, WE HAD A NEWBIE. JOE’S A NICE FELLOW, AND I HAVE MET HIS FACE BEFORE, BUT AS SOME KNOW MY ABILITY TO REMEMBER NAMES IS LIKE “WHY DID ANYONE HAVE A NAME TO BEGIN WITH?” SO “HEY YOU” WORKS FINE. BUT SOMEONE SAID HIS NAME WAS JOE AND THAT WAS EASIER TO REMEMBER THAN HIS NICKNAME WHICH WAS… … … . . . . . . UM… JOE.
NINA DECIDED AGAINST SETUP THIS YEAR, SAYING HER SICKNESS COULDN’T KEEP HER FROM PSU, BUT SHE WAS GONNA SLEEP IN THE BASEMENT DUE TO HER COLD AND SO WE WERE OFF. THIS MAY HAVE BEEN THE EARLIEST LAUNCH IN YEARS, OR EVER… SIMPLY BECAUSE NO WASTE OF TIME WAITING FOR THE 6AM CREW TO SETUP THEIR TENTS, NO FINDING THE HOUCK CREW IN A HOTEL PARKING LOT, WE JUST WENT TO THE GAME. THIS MUST BE WHAT IT FEELS LIKE WHEN PEOPLE COME UP ON A FRIDAY NIGHT… IMAGINE THAT… J
AS WE MADE IT PAST THE PORTA POTTIES WITHOUT STOPPING WE REALIZED WE HADN’T BEEN TO THAT POINT WAITING TO PARK SO QUICKLY. IT WAS WONDERFUL. WE WERE ALL ANTICIPATING THE GRILLED FOOD TO BE GREAT, UTENSILS WERE BROUGHT TO KEEP THAT MELTED PLASTIC FORKY TASTE OUT OF THE MOUTH, AND TYPICAL FUN WAS TO BE HAD.
TABLES WERE SET, DRINKING CONTINUED (IT NEVER REALLY COMMENCES AT A GAME, YOU JUST HOPE NOT TO GET PULLED OVER…J) AND FUN WAS HAD BY ALL. WE DECIDED FOOD WOULD BE A GOOD THOUGHT EARLY SINCE IT WAS ABOUT 10A AND WE HAD ABOUT 2 HOURS TO PLAY WITH BEFORE THE TICKET HOLDERS NINA AND JOE WENT TO THE STADIUM.
ALL I HAVE TO SAY AT THIS POINT WAS THANK GOODNESS FOR THE VEGGIE TRAY AND CHIPS. MARC WAS THE GRILL MAN, WITH A GRILL. HE HAD GAS, 2.25 TANK LOADS OF IT. WE WERE GOLDEN. IT WAS WINDY YES, THAT WAS A SLIGHT ISSUE EVEN FOR THE FOLKS A FEW CARS DOWN WHOSE 10 FT CANOPY FLEW OVER AND TURNED IT INTO A HEAP OF ALUMINUM… BUT WHEN YOU MAKE FIRE YOU NEED 3 THINGS. WE HAD 1. FUEL. 2. OXYGEN. 3. SPARK. SO WE’RE GOOD RIGHT?
SEE WHEN FUEL IS UNDER PRESSURE THE PRESSURE NEEDS TO BE REGULATED IN ORDER TO WORK ON A GRILL SO THE WHOLE TANK DOESN’T JUST LET OUT ALL THE FUEL... ITS THAT METAL THING THAT YOU SCREW YOUR GRILL HOSE INTO ON YOUR GAS GRILL AT HOME. IT REGULATES THE PRESSURES OF THE TANK VS THE GRILL AND SUPPLIES YOUR FIRE TRIANGLE WITH THE CORRECT AMOUNT OF FUEL SO THAT YOUR SPARK, FUEL AND OXYGEN TURN INTO A FIRE. WHILE HAVING THE 3 ELEMENTS OF FIRE IN FRONT OF US, AND THE SMELL OF PROPANE FILLING THE AIR ALONG WITH JOHNSONVILLE BRATS, CHICKEN, HAMBURGERS, HOT DOGS, AND THE OCCASIONAL WHIFF OF PROFESSIONAL TAILGATERS WHO BRING RIB RACKS AND SMOKERS, ALL OF WHICH WHO USE PROPANE NEED REGULATORS, OUR REGULATOR WASN’T ALL IT MOUNTED UP TO BE. OURS WAS MISSING. OURS WAS LEFT AT HOME. OURS WAS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. MARC’S NICE BLUE GRILL HE BOUGHT FOR TAILGATING TURNED INTO A BLUE TRUNK SPACE TAKER-UPPER. AND SO WE WATCHED THE BURGERS DEFROST ON THE TABLE IN TEARS.
BUT THE SHOW MUST GO ON.
NINA BROUGHT OUT ALL THE FIXINS FOR SOME GOOD OLD FASHIONED (MEANING NON REGULATOR STYLE) TAILGATING… CHIPS, VEGGIES, AND PRETZELS ALONG WITH THE OBLIGATORY JEAGER GALLON AND REDBULL WERE CONSUMED TO PERFECTION. I DUNNO ABOUT YOU, BUT I LIKE MY DRINKS MEDIUM RARE, SO I JUST HUNG IN THERE WITH MY WATER AND ENERGY DRINKS CAUSE I LEFT MY COFFEE IN ETTERS. BUT THERE WAS PLENTY OF FUN TO BE HAD AND WHILE OTHERS DID THEIR THING, ME AND CHRISTINE GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER AND I THINK HAVE A FINE UNDERSTANDING OF EACH OTHER NOW. IN SHORT, WE’VE WON THE SIBLING RIVALRY.
NINA AND JOE WENT OFF TO THE GAME, AND WE WORKED ON PACKING UP AND HEADED OUT TO WALMART. AN AIR MATTRESS WAS IN STORE FOR KIWI AND CHRISTINE (COLD NIGHT CAMPING ROOKIES) AND I DUNNO ABOUT YOU, BUT AFTER A NIGHT OF WIND, A BIT OF STRING TO HOLD DOWN THE BOX KITE I WAS SLEEPING IN AND EXTRA REDBULLS FOR NINA WERE IN ORDER. BETWEEN THE DRINKERS, THE ORIGINAL REDBULL CASE WAS GONE. AND AFTER THE VEGETARIAN MEAL WITH COOKING ALL AROUND (NOTICE ALL THE WORKING GRILLS IN THE PICS) REAL FOOD EVEN WALMART COULD MAKE WAS NEEDED AND CHRISTINE TOOK ADVANTAGE. AS SHE ATE I KNEW I COULD WAIT TILL SAM’S GRILL GOT TURNED ON BUT IN THE BACK OF MY MIND ALL I COULD THINK WAS “WHY DIDN’T I GET A CHICKEN SANDWICH?”
WE GOT BACK TO SAMS AND, WELL…
I HAD PLANNED ON TAKING A NAP CAUSE THE WIND WASN’T AT A FULL 60 MPH IT WAS CLOSER TO 40, SO IT WOULDN’T BE AS BAD AS LAST NIGHT. AND EUREKA! MY TENT HAD BEEN INTACT, UPRIGHT, AND STILL FIGHTIN THE GOOD FIGHT!!! BUT SOMETIMES WORDS MOMS SAY ARE JUST WRONG, AND KIWI’S WAS NO EXCEPTION. HIS MOM SAID HE WOULDN’T NEED STAKES THIS WEEKEND. WHEN YER AT WALMART BUYING ROPE SO YOU COULD JUST STAY IN ONE SPOT WHILE SLEEPING… THAT PRETTY MUCH SAYS IT ALL. BUT THE SIGHT OF MARC’S TENT TWISTED UPSIDE DOWN COMPLETELY LITERALLY HOLDING ON BY ONE STAKE IN THE GROUND, HIS TARP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE INFAMOUS FIELD BEHIND SAMS… AND THE SIGHT OF KIWI’S TENT BLOWING IN THE WIND… (PICTURE THIS: THE GREAT SAILING RACE THEY HAVE WITH THE HUGE SAILBOATS AND IF YOU CAN PICTURE THE HUGE SAIL PROUDLY GOING ACROSS THE FINISH LINE, IMAGINE IF ON THE FRONT INSTEAD OF “RALPH LAUREN POLO” YOU SAW A BLUE LANTERN AND “COLEMAN” WRITTEN UNDERNEATH, THAT WOULD BE WHAT KIWI’S TENT LOOKED LIKE.) IT WAS A DISASTER ANY TENT CITY SHOULD NEVER SEE… REMEMBER THE HINDENBURG VIDEO QUOTE: “OOOOOOH THE HUMANITYYYYYYY”…
WE GATHERED OUR THINGS AND EVEN YOUNG CJ HELPED BY GRABBING THE TARP IN THE FIELD… THE TENTS WERE RESTORED IN THEIR UPRIGHT AND LOCKED POSITIONS, ROPED IN AND STAKED TO COMFORTABLE PERFECTION, AND AN ENERGY RESURGENCE CAME THROUGH. MARC HAD A POLE SNAPPING CASUALTY THOUGH AND IT SEEMED THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE TO DO NOW BUT DRINK.
WE SAW A FEW SCORE CHANGES AND I CHATTED WITH SAM ABOUT HOW HE’S DOING. HANGING IN THERE HE SAID… HIS ONE SIDE SEEMS HALF PARALYZED FROM THE STROKE. HE HAS SOME MOVEMENT IN IT BUT FOR THE MOST PART HE’S NOW A LEFTY. HE SAID AFTER 58 YEARS OF WRITING WITH HIS RIGHT HAND, IT’S ODDLY DIFFICULT DOING IT WITH HIS LEFT, BUT IT’S STARTING TO COME AROUND... AND TO HELP HIM OUT IN THE GARAGE, THERE’S A LIFT NOW SO INSTEAD OF BENDING OVER TO DO EVERYTHING, HE JUST PUTS IT ON A MICHIGAN UNIVERSITY-COLORED LIFT AND MAKES THE OIL CHANGES AMONG REAL CAR WORK A BREEZE. I TOLD HIM IT TOOK TOO LONG TO GET ONE. HIS BACK WOULD BE FINE IF HE HAD THIS MANY YEARS AGO. HE AGREED.
SAM’S GRILL HAD THIS THING ON IT THAT ALLOWED THE GAS PRESSURE TO BE REGULATED FROM THE GAS TANK TO THE FOOD, CALLED A REGULATOR, SO SAM AND MARC CLEANED IT UP AND MARC COOKED OUR BURGERS AND HOT DOGS ON IT FINALLY BACK AT SAMS. IT HIT THE SPOT ALMOST AS GOOD AS A SPOT HOT DOG… ALMOST. IT WAS JUST FINE TO FINALLY EAT TAILGATE FOOD. AND IT TURNED OUT TO BE AS PERFECT AS ONE COULD EVER WANT. BECAUSE THE GRILL WAS USED FOR ANOTHER OCCASION. CHARLES HAD BOUGHT 3 RACKS OF RIBS FOR THE PARTY AND THEY WERE GONE BEFORE THEY LEFT THE GRILL. CONSUMED ISN’T THE WORD… INHALED. THAT’S ONE INHALATION EVEN BILL CLINTON WOULDN’T DENY.
WE ALL GOT OUR CHANCE AT SKEET SHOOTING THIS YEAR, EVEN THIS WRITER WITH A DULL SHOULDER PAIN STILL, BUT IT HAD TO BE DONE BECAUSE, WELL, IF CHRISTINE SHOT IT, THEN I HAD TO. CHRISTINE HAD NEVER SHOT A GUN BEFORE SO HER FIRST CHANCE AT IT, LIKE KIWI’S LAST YEAR, WAS CAUGHT ON VIDEO. THE GUN KEPT SHOOTING BLANKS THOUGH AND THE FIRST PULL OF THE TRIGGER WASN’T SO BAD. ONCE FIGURED OUT THOUGH IT WAS QUITE THE BANG AND KICK… WE ALL HAD OUR SHOT AT THE PIGEONS AND FUN WAS HAD BY ALL. EVEN A FRIEND OF CHARLES WAS QUITE THE SHOT.
THE FIRE THIS YEAR WAS KEPT TO A BARE MINIMUM DUE TO THE WIND SUSTAINING THROUGHOUT THE WEEKEND. SATURDAY NIGHT THOUGH IT HAD DIED DOWN ENOUGH TO GET ONE GOING AND WHEN CJ DIDN’T HAVE HIS FINGER BEING EATEN BY THE NOSE MONSTER, HE WAS PROVIDING US WITH KINDLING FROM THE WOOD BEHIND THE FIREPIT. WE HAD A HARD TIME GETTING IT GOING, UNDERSTANDABLY, SO GASOLINE WAS BROUGHT INTO THE PICTURE AND WELL, THERES NO DENYING IT. GASOLINE HELPS START FIRES. BUT THE WOOD WAS SO WET THAT IT BURNT OFF THE GAS AND NOT MUCH OF THE WOOD… WE ADDED A CHAIR IN MEMORY OF MOTTER AND DOUGIE FRESH AND THEN DECIDED THERE WAS TOO MUCH RUBBER IN THE CHAIR. I THINK THE CHAIR THIS YEAR WAS MADE BY GOODYEAR.
MORE FUEL WAS BROUGHT TO THE FIRE, MORE KINDLING BY CJ, AND EVENTUALLY IT WAS DECIDED TO BRING OUT A SPEAKER FROM DOWNSTAIRS. REMEMBER HUGE BOX SPEAKERS THAT BOSE SAYS THEY SOUND LIKE…? WELL, THEY GO UP IN FLAMES NICELY… YOU COULD SEE DIFFERENT FLAME PATTERNS IN THE FIRE AND WE ENJOYED THE HEAT COMING FROM IT AS WELL.
NINA ARRIVED WITH JOE POST GAME TO ANNOUNCE SHE WAS HEADING HOME. SHE HADN’T FELT WELL DURING THE GAME AND SLEPT THRU THE LAST HALF. PSU WON THOUGH SO SHE WASN’T IN DAMPENED SPIRITS, BUT HER MEMORY OF THE LAST HALF WAS SHOT. THEY SAID THEIR RESPECTIVE GOODBYES AND WE GOT MORE SPEAKERS FOR THE FIRE. A SET OF 3 TOTAL, BUT MAN, WHAT NICE HEAT. WE KEPT THE MATERIAL TO JUST BELOW THE FRAME SO AS NOT TO MAKE IT THAT BIG A DEAL AND IT WASN’T. “SUBDUED” WAS A WORD USED DURING THE WEEKEND AND THAT COULD DESCRIBE THIS FIRE AS WELL.
AROUND THIS POINT ALAN REALIZED MARC HAD SOME ALCOHOL IN HIS GATORADE ALL DAY AND MARC WENT TO HIS TENT FOR MORE. (YET THAT WAS THE LAST WE SAW OF MARC TILL SUNDAY.)
AT THIS TIME IT WAS DECIDED TO BRING OUT THE BEAST. IN THE BASEMENT THEY HAD THEIR BIG SCREEN TV. IT WAS THERE IN THEIR LIVING ROOM FOR THE FIRST FEW TIMES WE WENT TO PSU. ITS LAST RITES WERE READ AND KIWI AND ALAN HEAVED IT THRU THE BASEMENT OPENING. ONCE OUT KIWI APOLOGIZED FOR DAMAGING IT A LITTLE AND WE ALL HAD A LAUGH. IT WAS HEADING TO THE CREMATORIUM, AND THIS GUY SAID HE’S SORRY FOR THE FLESH WOUND. (LIKE PUTTING ALCOHOL ON A DEATH ROW INMATE’S ARM TO PREVENT INFECTION THE DAY HIS APPEAL IS DENIED… I DIGRESS)
A TV BURNING IN A HOT FIRE IS SOMETHING TO BE SEEN ONCE IN YOUR LIFE. LIKE A CAR FIRE. BUT A BIG SCREEN PLASTIC PROJECTION TELEVISION ON A SUBDUED, WINDY, REGULATORLESS WEEKEND IN THE MOUNTAINS WITH SOME OLD FRIENDS (THE OLDEST IN FACT) AND FAMILY, I COULD WATCH THAT EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AND BE HAPPY. IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. IT WAS SO HOT AND HUGE THAT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS WITHIN THE CONFINES OF THE FIREPIT I BELIEVE YOU GUYS HERE COULD SEE IT. IT WAS A SECOND SUN. THE SMOKE COMING FROM IT LITERALLY MADE YOU DIZZY AND IT GAVE YOU A REAL APPRECIATION HOW AND WHY FIRE IS SO DESTRUCTIVE. I FIGURED ALAN THREW IN SOME LITTLE FIREWORKS CAUSE OF THE DIFFERENT COMPONENTS POPPING THROUGHOUT ITS FINAL SHAPING AS A TV AND RESTRUCTURING INTO A BLACK PLASTIC BLOB. THE GLASS FROM THE FRONT OF IT SMASHED AND SMASHED AND SMASHED AGAIN AND IT MELTED AROUND SOME OF THE LOGS IN THE FIRE. IT WAS LIKE STANDING ON THE SAME OUTER RUNG OF HELL AS YOU FEEL GOING INTO THE BASEMENT, BUT THIS TIME THE DOOR WAS OPEN AND HELL WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. PLASTIC HAS TO BURN MUCH HOTTER THAN WOOD, SIMPLY PUT WITH LITERAL INTENTIONS: IT WAS BREATHTAKING. AND FILMED. IT FELT LIKE 20 MINUTES BUT FILM TELLS NO LIES. 10 MINUTES IT WAS OVER. A SPECTACULAR 10 MINUTES. BUT 10 MINUTES OVERALL…
ADDING TO THE FINALITIES OF PSU WEEKEND, A ROUND OF PICKLEJARRED MOONSHINE FOR THE STILL AWOKEN DRINKERS OF ALAN, KIWI & “-TINE” WAS TO BE HAD. IT WAS FUNNY TOO CAUSE THEY CAME OUT OF THE BASEMENT AND SAT BY THE FIRE AND BLUE FLAME WAS COMING FROM THEIR MOUTHS. WHEN ASKED, KIWI SAID “MY ARMS ARE REALLY COLD, BUT THIS SECTION HERE (MOTIONING AROUND HIS ABDOMEN, CHEST AREA) IS BURNING HOT.” AND FOR WHATEVER REASON AS IF NOT TO HAVE HEARD KIWI AT ALL, “-TINE” WAS ASKED HOW SHE WAS FEELING AS WELL AND SHE SAID “MY ARMS ARE REALLY COLD, BUT THIS SECTION HERE (MOTIONING AROUND HER ABDOMEN, CHEST AREA) IS BURNING HOT.” SEEMED AS IF THE MOONSHINE WAS DOING THE TRICK.
THEY HEADED OFF TO SLEEP AND ALAN AND I REMINISCED A BIT, SHOT THE LANDMINES, AND CAUGHT UP. LATER WE DECIDED NOT TO STAY UP THRU THE NIGHT, AND JUST GO TO BED. LITTLE DID WE KNOW IT WAS THE LATE LATE HOUR OF JUST BEFORE 11PM WHEN WE DECIDED TO TURN IN. EARLIEST EVER? POSSIBLY, BUT WITH THE WIND AND RAIN OF FRIDAY NIGHT, CONSIDERING WE SURVIVED THE ENTIRE DAY WITH 3 HOURS SLEEP WAS AN ACCOMPLISHMENT. AND SO I TOOK THE OBLIGATORY SLEEP PILL, AND FIGURED EARLIER IF I REMOVE MY RAINFLY THE WIND WOULD GO RIGHT THRU MY TENT AND IT WORKED LIKE A CHARM… NO RAIN CAME THROUGH SATURDAY NIGHT AND IT WAS A GREAT NIGHT OF SLEEP (FOR ME AT LEAST)… MORE COMPLAINTS OF THE WIND COULD BE HEARD SUNDAY MORNING BUT ALL IN ALL IT WAS NOTHING LIKE FRIDAY.
SUNDAY CHARLENE COOKED UP OMELETS AND BEFORE YOU KNEW IT SHE WAS DONE. SHE SAID “WELL, THAT’S THE FASTEST BREAKFAST EVER!” THEN SHE WAS REMINDED ONLY 4 CAME UP AND SHE SAID “I DON’T CARE… WE DID GOOD!” AND SHE DID DO GOOD. SHE EVEN SAID “WHO’S THE ONE LAST YEAR WHO COMPLAINED THERE WAS NO CHILI FOR HIS OMELET?” “SEAN” WE SAID “AND DON’T MIND HIM HE’S ON A BEACH IN THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC RIGHT NOW…” AND AS JEALOUS AS WE WERE OF HIM I KNOW DEEP DOWN INSIDE SOMEWHERE HE’S MORE JEALOUS OF OUR BREAKFAST.
WE ALL PACKED UP AND HEADED FOR HOME WITH DREAMS OF A FULL NIGHT’S SLEEP AND HOPE THAT OUR REAL WALLS DIDN’T FALL IN AND TOUCH OUR FACES SUNDAY NIGHT AS WELL. AS MUCH AS I WAS DISAPPOINTED WITH THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T COME THIS YEAR, IT WASN’T ABOUT THEM. I COULDN’T BE HAPPIER WITH THOSE THAT DID COME. WE ALL HAD A BLAZE WATCHING THE TV, ERR, A BLAST. WE ALL HAVE STORIES OF THINGS WE’LL NEVER FORGET AND STORIES OF TIMES YOU’LL NEVER REMEMBER. . . WE HAD 2 NEWBIES TO OUR LITTLE PARTY, AND MANY MANY “FIRST EVERS” FOR CHRISTINE AND ALL.
AMONG THINGS WE’LL NEVER FORGET, BEYOND SAM’S WIFE’S NAME, CHARLES AND BETH’S NEW BABY JEW, ERR, “KYLE”(THAT’S HIS NAME… SORRY I HAVE TO THINK OF SOUTH PARK TO REMEMBER IT), CHARLES’S DRINKIN BUDDIES’ NAMES, ALONG WITH THE KID RUNNING AROUND WITH CJ THAT WASN’T MARC, ROSIE’S PEANUT BUTTER FUDGE, THE ABILITY TO RUN OVER A BOX OF SODA WITHOUT BREAKING A CAN, “THE GOOD TABLE”, THE BASEMENT GREEN GAS CLOUDED FART THAT, TO BE LITERAL, IT WAS THE FART THAT BROKE WIND, AND OF COURSE THE WEATHER…
BUT MOSTLY, WE’LL NEEEEVER FORGET A REGULATOR AGAIN. . . HOPEFULLY. MAYBE. BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN MELTED PLASTIC DOESN’T SEEM SO UNAPPETIZING…
SO, UNTIL NEXT YEAR… SOMETIME IN SEPTEMBER WHEN LESS SICKNESS AND WIND IS IN THE AIR…
III
PS… THANKS TO THE USUAL SUSPECTS: SAM THE MAN… “LIFE-POPS”… MEANING I HAVE LEARNED MORE ABOUT LIFE FROM SAM THAN ANYONE IN MY LIFE, CHARLENE THE EXPERT COOK, TO CHARLENE’S FATHER AND MOTHER FOR BUILDING ON THIS LAND AS WELL… CHARLES THE RIBMAN AND BETH THE FLASHLIGHT POINTER EXTRAORDINAIRE, KYLE THE NEXT GEN’S NEW BEST FRIEND, CJ, KING OF KINDLING GATHERERS, ROSIE THE PEANUT BUTTER FUDGEMAKER/CLAY PIGEON MURDERER, ALAN THE KEEPER OF THE FIRE (THAT IS MOONSHINE), KIWI THE MUSCLE MAN TO GET THE MAIN EVENT TO THE FIRE WITH ALAN, CHRISTINE THE ROOKIE NO MORE, NINA THE FOOD QUEEN (NOT HAIR, I HAVE NO HAIR, AND IN FACT NEITHER DOES ALAN), “JOE” THE GUY WHO HAS A NICKNAME WHICH IS IN FACT HIS OWN NAME TO ME, AND MARC, MY FORGETFUL DRUNKEN CHAUFFEUR.
PSS… THE NEWEST ADDITION MINUS THE DOG TO OUR PARTY THIS YEAR WERE THE ARTILLERY SHOOTERS ACROSS THE WAY… IN SOME OF THE VIDEOS YOU CAN HEAR IT TOO. IT WAS ABOUT EVERY HALF HOUR YOU’D HEAR THIS RAT-A-TAT-TAT-A-TAT-TAT OF MOTTER’S PISTOL GOING OFF. (WE FIGURE IT TOOK THEM A HALF HOUR TO RELOAD FOR THE 5-7 SECONDS OF SHOOTING THEY’D GET FOR EVERY RELOAD) YET WHAT YOU PICTURED HEARING THIS NOISE WAS THE 2 HANDED GUNNERS ON THE BACKS OF ARMY VEHICLES… POINT OF THIS PART OF THE PSS… JUST SAYING NO THANKS TO THEM. NONE. MAYBE SLIGHT APPRECIATION FOR THE HEADACHE, BUT ONLY A SLIGHT ONE. THE WIND HAD A STRONGHOLD ON THE HEADACHE JUST FINE THANK YOU! NO NEED FOR HELPERS…
FINALLY BEFORE LEAVING SAM PLAYED A SONG FOR ME IN THE KITCHEN BY AARON LEWIS. COUNTRY BOY. LYRICS ARE PRETTY MUCH HIS PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE AND WHERE HOW AND WHAT HE IS ALL ABOUT. “THIS IS THE SONG OF THIS WEEKEND” HE SAID. FINAL LYRIC OF THE SONG IS BELOW, AND IN FACT THE MAN EMBODIES IT.
“now two flags fly above my land and really sum up how I feel
one is the colors that fly high and proud, the red the white the blue
the other ones got a rattle snake with a simple statement made
Don't Tread on Me is what it says and I'll take that to my grave
because this is me I’m proud to be American and strong in my beliefs
and I've said it before but I'll say it again cause I won’t need a government to hold my hand
and I've said it before but I'll say it again because my family's always fought and died to save this land
and a country boy is all I'll ever be”
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