PERFECT EMAIL MAKIN IT TO THE BLOG... 10-10-10...

FAMILY AND FRIENDS MAY HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE BUT ITS ONE OF MY FAVORITES... ONE WEEKEND IN 2010 WILL BE, FORGET D-DAY, A WEEKEND IN INFAMY... WELL, TO ME.

SO LEMME ASK ALLL OF YOU...

HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND, START TO FINISH? GOOD BETTER BEST... NAAH, YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME WE WERE AT PEACE AND LITERALLY ALL WAS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD, NO MONEY PROBLEMS, NO WORRIES, NO DISEASE AND NO DEATH... AND IT COULDN'T BE BETTER THAN MY WEEKEND. . .

OK, SO I COULD MAKE THIS SHORT AND SWEET, BUT WHY BOTHER. THATS BORING AND YOU PEOPLE DON'T LIKE BORING. SO LETS MAKE A SHORT STORY LOOOOONG... I GOTTA BRING YA DOWN A BIT THOUGH AFTER THAT KIND OF START. AS GREAT AS MY WEEKEND WAS, I'M TALKING SPORTSWISE. I STILL HAVE DEPRESSION AND STILL NEED NEXIUM TO MAKE IT THRU A DAY, BUT THIS WEEKEND WAS DIFFERENT. I AM ALIVE AFTER THIS WEEKEND.

 LEMME BEGIN A LITTLE WHILE AGO... LAST YEAR IN NORTH CAROLINA I SAW ONE OF THE MOST AMAZING FIRST SETS IN TENNIS I HAVE EVER SEEN. THE ENTIRE TIME THESE 2 MEN WERE BATTLING, HITTING JUST ABOUT EVERY POINT FOR ABOUT 20+ STROKES. IF YOU EVER SAW A TENNIS MATCH, THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN THAT OFTEN, BUT WHEN RALLY CAPS ARE ON, ITS FAIRLY EXCITING. IT WAS BETWEEN NADAL AND MONFILS, AND IF YOU EVER LOOK UP THE US OPEN 2009, LOOK UP THAT MATCH. THE FIRST SET LASTED PROBABLY OVER AN HOUR.  I DUNNO HOW LONG EXACTLY, BUT SOME SETS CAN LAST 20 MINUTES, AND THAT'S FAST.  

I ALWAYS WANTED TO SEE THEM AGAIN. FAST FORWARD...

 THURSDAY NIGHT I REALIZED THERE WAS LIVE TENNIS ON AND I RECORDED THE MATCH OF MONFILS... IN JAPAN THE SETS APPARENTLY ARE BEST OF 3, SO IT WAS OVER SHORTLY. IF YOU EVER SAW HIM PLAY HE'S TALL AND A FAST RUNNER SO HE IS A GREAT DEFENDER AND EXCITING TO WATCH.

 FRIDAY, I WATCHED THE MATCH AND MONFILS WON. NADAL PLAYED AT MIDNIGHT FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE AND THAT MATCH LASTED OVER 3 HOURS. IT WAS A NAILBITER, BUT AS YOU MAY HAVE GUESSED BY NOW, NADAL WON. IT WAS CLOSE, BUT AS IS SEEN THE ENTIRE WEEKEND, NOTHING CAME EASY.

SO THE STAGE WAS SET.

SATURDAY MORNING I WOKE UP AT 1PM CAUSE I WAS UP TILL 3:30AM CHEERING ON NADAL. (HE'S FUNNY BY THE WAY. A SIDE NOTE, IF YOU WATCH HIM RECEIVE THE SERVE, YOU'LL NOTICE SOMETHING ABOUT HIM... HE PICKS HIS BUTT, SMELLS IT, THEN FIXES HIS HAIR BEHIND HIS EARS EVERY TIME. IF YOU'VE NEVER NOTICED IT, YOU'LL NEVER NOT SEE IT NOW. HECK OF A PLAYER, BUT I THINK HIS MOJO COMES FROM DEEP IN THE REAR OF HIS SHORTS. HE'S VERY ANAL ABOUT THINGS, HE WON'T LEAVE HIS SEAT IF HIS WATERS ARE OFF LEVEL, FOR INSTANCE... OCD? MAYBE, BUT WHEN YER #1 IN THE WORLD AT ANYTHING, ITS WORTH IT TO FIND YER MOJO FROM ANYWHERE, EVEN IF ITS BETWEEN THE CHEEKS... ) SPEAKING OF GOOD MOJO, HOW WAS HAITI?

SATURDAY AFTERNOON 2 GAMES WERE ON THAT I WAS INTERESTED IN. IN GENERAL I AM NOT A SPORTS FAN PER SE, BUT I LIKE CERTAIN ONES. I KNOW WHO BILL BUCKNER IS SADLY, I KNOW WHO JOE MONTANA IS HAPPILY, AND I KNOW WHO DALE EARNHARDT IS (HOW COULDN'T I? HIS NUMBER IN WINSTON CUP WAS 3!) NOTRE DAME PLAYED PITTSBURGH AND IT WAS BACK AND FORTH FOR A WHILE. ND'S KICKER MADE THE LONGEST FIELD GOAL IN ND HISTORY (50 YARDS) AND HE HAS THE RECORD FOR MOST CONSECUTIVE MADE FIELD GOAL KICKS. THIS IS A GUY WHO MADE THE TEAM BY WINNING A DORM FIELD GOAL CONTEST. BUT LONG STORY MERCIFULLY SHORT, ANOTHER NAILBITER, BUT THIS ONE CAME IN MY FAVOR... NOTICE A TREND... ND WINS.

 PENN STATE PLAYED ILLINOIS THIS WEEKEND. IT WAS A WEEKEND THE COUSINS AND A FEW FRIENDS KNOW AS PENN STATE WEEKEND NORMALLY, BUT WE HAD TO CHANGE THE DATE FROM THE HOST'S DAUGHTER'S MOMMA CHANGING PLANS SO WE HAD IT A FEW WEEKS AGO. I JUST HATE PENN STATE. SO WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHO MY FAVORITE TEAMS ARE IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL, I'LL TELL YOU THAT VARIES... ALWAYS ND, AND ANYONE WHO PLAYS PENN STATE. BEEN A HATER ALL MY LIFE, MY DAD CAN TELL A FEW STORIES ABOUT ME IN THE PSU ALUMNI PRESIDENT'S BOX AT BEAVER STADIUM AS A KID... AND WHEN WE GO FOR THE WEEKEND I MAKE SURE I WEAR THE OPPOSITE TEAM'S GEAR THAT WEEKEND. SO I HAVE AN ILLINI SWEATSHIRT AND CAN COOLIE ON EBAY RIGHT NOW. BUT IN WATCHING THE GAME, PSU JUST GOT DOMINATED AND FORTUNATELY IT WASN'T A NAILBITER, PSU LOST 33-10.  

I SAW A FEW AMAZING PLAYS AFTER THAT GAME, NOTABLY THE ENDING OF THE LSU V FLORIDA GAME... HECK OF A FAKE FIELD GOAL. BUT WHILE THE PSU GAME WAS ON I WAS PLAYING PLAY CHIP POKER ONLINE AND I TURNED 1000 PLAY CHIPS INTO 62K, ONE OF THE BEST NIGHTS IN MY LIFE. DID IT TAKE FOREVER, YEAH, BUT THAT WAS A FINE RUN, AND A CONTRIBUTION TO MY SUBJECT.

 SATURDAY NIGHT AT MIDNIGHT STARTED THE TENNIS MATCH. I WAS STILL INTO MY POKER GAME AND THE PEEPS WERE NICE SO IT WAS MORE OF A CHATROOM THAN A POKER GAME. NO IT WASN'T AS EXCITING AS I HAD HOPED AS FROM BEFORE, BUT ALSO THEY DIDN'T DISAPPOINT. I LOVE NADAL BUT I AM GAINING LOVE FOR MONFILS. THE FRENCHMAN WAS GREAT, BUT THE SPAINIARD WAS BETTER. NADAL WINS, 6-1, 7-5 I THINK. AGAIN JAPAN, BEST OF 3. AND LIVE TENNIS. HOW PERFECT?

WELL, THE WEEKEND WASN'T OVER YET.

SUNDAY I WOKE UP IN THE WEE MORNING AT 11:30, AND AFTER A MUCH NEEDED SHOWER, I THREW ON SOME OLD NOTRE DAME GEAR AND HEADED TO THE JADE FOR SOME MUCH NEEDED TIME AWAY FROM SPORTS. P N P, RITA, THE ELDER MACS, KRISTIN, AND URSZULA WERE OUT FOR A FINE TIME INDEED... EVEN THE FORTUNE COOKIE MENTIONED WORDS AND WRITERS... AFTER THE MEET N GREET LUNCH BUFFET WITH THE FAM I WENT TO RITE AID FOR SOME MUCH NEEDED FREE-AFTER-REBATE COUGH N COLD SUPPLIES (SALE ON THIS WEEK) AND COFFEE. THEN I HIT GIANT FOR SOME ALLERGY MEDS CALLED CETRIZINE. ITS THE FAKE ZYRTEC, AND I GOT 210 OF THEM... USUALLY THAT'S OVER 100 BUCKS WORTH OF ZYRTEC FOR THE NEXT 210 DAYS, BUT IN MY FINDINGS AND 2 GIANT STOPS, I BOUGHT IT ALL FOR ABOUT 35 BUCKS.  

IF YOU ASK ME WHO MY FAVORITE TEAM IS IN THE NFL, I'LL TELL YOU I AM A FAN OF PITTSBURGH DUE TO FREQUENTING THE MIDTOWN BAR AND ITS COMMORADERIE, BUT MY FAVORITE TEAM CHANGES EVERY WEEK. THIS WEEK ITS THE TITANS, CAUSE THEY PLAYED DALLAS. TO GIVE YOU AN IDEA HOW THE WEEKEND WAS GOING, IN THE FIRST HALF THE TITANS HAD SACKED DALLAS ABOUT SIX TIMES. . . 6! THEY HAD SAID SO FAR THIS SEASON, ROMO HADNT BEEN SACKED BUT ONCE OR TWICE IN THE FIRST FEW GAMES, AND IN THAT PARTICULAR SERIES, THEY HAD GOTTEN TO HIM TWICE ALREADY. IT LITERALLY CAME DOWN TO THE WIRE, AN AMAZING FINISH: DALLAS TIED IT ONLY TO HAVE THE TITANS RUN IT ALMOST ALL THE WAY BACK ON THE KICKOFF AND WHEN YOU ADDED IN THE PENALTY, THE TITANS HAD NOT MORE THAN 10 YARDS TO GO TO WIN IT AND YES, THEY DID.  

AS SOME OF YOU KNOW I LIKE ORANGE. NOT JUST THE FRUIT, NOR FOR THE NEDERLANDS WORLD CUP UNIFORM CAUSE OF AMSTERDAM AND ITS COLOR, BUT ALSO THE COLOR ORANGE. WHEN I BEGAN WATCHING NASCAR I FOLLOWED A GUY IN THE HOME DEPOT CAR. WHY? NOT JUST CAUSE HOME DEPOT WAS ORANGE... TONY STEWART'S NICKNAME (AT THE TIME... BEYOND 'SMOKE'...) WAS "BIG ORANGE". HE'S A PORTLY DRIVER TO PUT IT NICELY, BUT TONY HAD BEEN KNOWN FOR HIS MOUTH. AFTER ONE OF THE RACES HE SAID SOMETHING LIKE "THESE TIRES ARE SO BAD THAT I AM GONNA REMOVE EVERY GOODYEAR I HAVE ON ALL MY CARS AND BE HAPPY ABOUT IT. THEYRE JUST CRAP"... GOODYEAR IS ALL NASCAR RUNS SO THE NASCAR PEOPLE DIDN'T LIKE THAT TOO MUCH. HE'S A LITTLE ROUGH AROUND THE EDGES AND I LIKE THAT ABOUT HIM. WITH 40+ LAPS TO GO IN THE RACE THIS SUNDAY IN CALIFORNIA, THE NOW RED BUT I STUCK WITH HIM OFFICE DEPOT CAR #14 STEWART TOOK THE LEAD. THE ANNOUNCERS SAID HE COULD "GO", REDNECK TALK FOR "ITS A WELL TUNED CAR", AND THAT HE SAID HIS CAR WAS AWESOME. I'VE HEARD THIS BEFORE, AND FROM A GUY WHO IS ALWAYS STARTING IN THE 20S, GETTING TO FIRST BY THE CHECKERED IS ROUGH, BUT AS YOU GUESSED IT, 40 OR SO LAPS LATER, LOSING AND GAINING BACK HIS LEAD FROM THE 33 OF BOYER, 48 OF JOHNSON... THE 14 PREVAILED. MY THROAT HURTS FROM SCREAMING AT MY TV LIKE AN IDIOT, OR "DAVID... LEAPING AND DANCING BEFORE THE LORD WITH ALL HIS MIGHT" - FOOTLOOSE AND APPARENTLY THE BIBLE... BUT I WAS LEAPING AND DANCING AND CLAPPING LIKE A MONKEY ON ACID...

 I COULD RECAP HERE, BUT ITS NOT OVER.

 SUNDAY NIGHT I STARTED TO WATCH PHILI... FOOTBALL... BASEBALL... ITS NO CARLIN BIT. ONE WAS ON TBS, THE OTHER WAS ON NBC. I REALLY DIDN'T CARE WHO WON OR WHAT I WATCHED, BUT IN PREPARATION OF THIS, THEY SHOWED THE END OF THE CHARGERS/RAIDERS GAME. PHILIP RIVERS IS TO TONY ROMO AS MOST PEOPLE THINK OF ME TO JMAC... (I'M JONNY MAC'S A-HOLE COUSIN, A BADGE I HAPPILY DESERVE, ASK ERIN, AND ENJOY WEARING TO THE FULLEST... ITS A COMPLIMENT TO ME, BUT NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN THIS S.A.T. EXERCISE. WHATTAYA CALL THOSE THINGS? __ IS TO __ AS __ IS TO __... COMPARISONS COMPARISONS... ) SO I DON'T LIKE PHILIP RIVERS. CHARGERS QB... HE'S COCKY LIKE ANDY RODDICK. AND THE RAIDERS DECIDED THIS WAS THE WEEKEND TO WIN. WHAT? YUP, I CAN CONFIRM IT... THE RAIDERS EVEN WON.

 SWEATING IN MY APARTMENT FROM THE ONGOING LUCK OF THIS WEEKEND, AND THE HEAT, I STARTED WITH BASEBALL. DO I CARE ABOUT BASEBALL? NOT IN THE LEAST. DO I LIKE WATCHING IT? TO USE A CARLINISM, "ITS LIKE WATCHING FLIES F*"... BUT BY THE TIME IT MATTERED, PHILI WAS UP 1-0. I SWITCHED TO FOOTBALL... EAGLES I LIKE TO SEE WIN FOR THE MAC CONTINGENCY, AND CELEK CAUGHT A TOUCHDOWN. BASEBALL... PHILI WENT UP 2-0... FOOTBALL... I DUNNO CAUSE I GOT A TEXT TO COME TO MALONES AND JOIN JONNY MAC AND TONY MASCIULLI... TONY MASCIULLI WAS OUT? HANGING? THAT NEVER HAPPENS! LESS OFTEN THAN 10-10-10... HOW COULD I TURN THIS DOWN? SO I GOT DRESSED, AND OUT THE DOOR I WENT. I DIDNT EVEN RETURN THE TEXT. I JUST SHOWED UP AT THEIR TABLE. I WAS ON SUCH A WEEKEND SPORTS HIGH THAT IF PHILI WON, ON EITHER CHANNEL, IT DIDN'T MATTER. THEY HAD 2 TVS IN FRONT OF US SET UP SO THAT WE COULD WATCH BOTH GAMES SIMULTANEOUSLY... FOR EITHER PHILI TO WIN IT WOULD BE THE CHERRY TOPPING TO THE WEEKEND THAT I DIDN'T EXPECT, BUT HEY... WHY NOT TALK TO THE MARACHINO'S AND LET THEM KNOW THE MASCIULLIS WAMBACHS AND MACDONALDS WERE IN HANG MODE. THEY DIDN'T DISAPPOINT. AND THEY CAME THRU WITH A VENGEANCE, CAUSE NOT ONLY WERE PEOPLE SPRAYING THE BUBBLY ON TBS, BUT ON NBC THEY WERE INTERVIEWING A VERY HAPPY LASEAN MCCOY WHEN THE EAGLES BEAT THE NINERS (SORRY NATE).

 IN LIFE IF YOU DON'T LIVE A FULL CENTURY, ONLY ONCE DO YOU EVER SEE SOMETHING LIKE 10-10-10... ASK NADIA COMENIECH (< YOU SPELL IT, THE GYMNAST IN WHAT... '76 OLYMPICS?) OR MARY LOU RETTON... TO CONTINUE ASK KARI STRUG ERR WHOEVER... OR KILL A FEW BIRDS AND ASK BELA KARYOLI, THEIR HORRIBLY MISSPELLED COACH...  HECK ASK MICHAEL PHELPS WHAT PERFECT MEANS. HOWS ABOUT KARA N KELLY (ANNIVERSARY ON 10/10 EVERY YEAR, BUT THIS MORNING AT 10AM MADE IT OFFICIAL OF THEIR STARTING TIME... SORRY I SLEPT THRU IT)... ASK BO DEREK HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT "10" OR GALILEO ABOUT STARS ALIGNING. NO EVERY-GAME-BASEBALL-BATTER EVER HITS 1000 FOR THE SEASON, LET ALONE THE CYCLE, BUT AS RARE AS IT IS EVEN THE CYCLE HAPPENS, IT IS POSSIBLE.

 ONCE IN A LIFETIME OR LESS THAN ONCE IN 1000 YEARS DOES THIS EVER HAPPEN.... BUT ITS WHY WE WATCH, FOR THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS, BUT FOR IT ALL TO WORK OUT THE WAY I WANTED IT... PRICELESS.

 NORM ZEDA COULDN'T PICK OUT A PRETTIER GIRL FOR THE MAGAZINE (PERFECT 10 IS LIKE PLAYBOY WITHOUT THE IMPLANTS)... OK, OVEREXAGGERATING IS MY STYLE, BUT IT WOULD BE HARD TO BEAT THIS WEEKEND, ALL PUNS INTENDED.

 AND I THOUGHT IT'D BE AN APPROPRIATE TIME TO MAKE A FAMILY COMMENT AND ENJOY MY LAST FEW DAYS AND SHARE WITH YOU SO THAT IF I DIE TONIGHT YOU ALL COULD KNOW I DIED HAPPY. BUT OF COURSE I WONT DIE, I'LL BE BACK TO THE BLUES (AND BLUEGRASS) BY TUESDAY EVENING WHILE AT DER MANNERCHOR DOWNTOWN TO SEE POKEY LAFARGE AND THE SOUTH CITY THREE. I HOPE I DON'T GET SHOT, BUT IF I DO, ITS COOL. I'M ON CLOUD 9, ERR, #14 IF YA NEED ME.

 III

 PS... CHECK YOUR SPORTS SITES, ITS ALL TRUE. TO RECAP: NADAL BEAT MONFILS, STEWART WON, EAGLES, TITANS, RAIDERS, PHILLIES, LSU, ILLINI, ND, EVEN CHECK GIANT'S CETRIZINE SALE. (30 @ $5.49) AND RITE AID'S REBATE SALE THIS WEEK. I EVEN HAVE A PHONE PIC OF MY BANK FROM FULL TILT PRE-LOSS... 62,436... STEELERS HAD A BYE THIS WEEKEND. BUT I HAVE BEEN SO EXCITED, THAT CHECK THE TIME OF SENDING AND ENJOY. 4AM MONDAY. THANKS COLUMBUS!

FIRE DRILL? ALARM? nah, you figure it out...

letterman hit on this as well and i do my best writing at work (cause theres nothing to do) but i must say this...

there was an earthquake yesterday here on the East Coast of America and it isn't something we are accustomed to feeling, hearing about, etc. . . i honestly thought one of the famously overweight here at the state offices was walking by, then i thought i had vertigo again (its what it felt like) but then i realized that was my first earthquake ever.

we don't have earthquake training. we don't have ANY training really, but things like fire drills (or nuclear explosion drills from the 1950's "all-the-kids-get-under-their-desk" drills) are a regular occurrence here.

nobody knew what to do. we all looked at each other with stoned faces on like "you feel that"?

emails flew, some people left... me? i just sat here waiting for the dizziness to go away, and got back to "work"... but there were no alarms. no fire drills. no people directing you where to go. people were just stunned. and in that way it was odd.

my director (the head dept boss) came down our row and said basically a Spaceballs line: President Skroob: "...You got to help me. I don't know what to do. I can't make decisions. I'm a president!"

it was a mild form of chaos with an aftertaste of dementia...

later on the news it was found out that a large number of employees gathered in a grassy area as if to be on a fire drill, but those "nonessential workers" you hear about were left wondering what in fact to do.

my brilliant higher-ups, while letting us stay in the building, took the elevator downstairs to street level. the elevator. i know i'm a nut and wouldn't mind dying at this very second, (i hate when i write that and the heart attack never comes) its why i didn't leave the building. but i also know in the event of an emergency event, you take the stairs. at even 5 floors up the drop could be instantaneous death if the cord breaks...

long story short, a million or 2 will write about this earthquake and it will be discussed on the news ad~nauseum (sp), so maybe just maybe we will have an "earthquake drill" in the coming months...

at least we will know what to do if and when it happens next.... although with my luck, a brick chimney would fall on me the second i left the building. and in the entire earthquake, there'd be one casualty, ME, and i would be the next "15 seconds of fame" death on youtube.

III

child molester gene? do they all have the same DNA?

quick thought...

why is it when you see the picture of the child molester in a newspaper article its always the same guy? thick glasses, combover thats so bad you think its not real when it is, wifebeater, slightly overweight... its unreal. i'd post a few examples but this is such an epidemic in US culture today that you see these articles every day. look one up. you see the thick glasses, etc... these are the creepy guys you were told as a kid to stay away from... now you know mom was right!

secondarily, why is it you never see or in fact as rampant as child molestation has been in recent years (... "have a seat right over there...") you never see women in cases of child molestation? because when they do it (in most cases) adolescent boys see it as a gift rather than a mind bending hell... these women were not in my circle of aquaintances growing up of course, but i'd also imagine if they were i wouldn't score with them either... *sigh*

HE said it wouldn't be a good idea...

first of all rejection is a bitch... numero uno. all we ever wanted in life per the billions of people on this earth was food, water, shelter, air, and acceptance by our fellow human beings. every once in a while love creeps its little head in there like it is a vital necessity of life. i have found emotionally it isn't, but physically, thats another issue all together.

individual love is more of a "want" than acceptance.

to be accepted in life is to be loved by everyone. no questions asked. like you and your best friends: you love and accept one another, flaws, assumptions, whatever. he's tall, she's short, he's fat, she's got a face only her mother could love, his one big eye, her third nipple, his two bellybuttons. your friends don't care about all of that. they love you for you. after whiskey you fall asleep. after a half a case of beer and a few shots of vodka i scream racial slurs. after an operation once i got mad at a doc who didn't live up to his end of the bargain and decided to throw a few Jew curveballs to him. (only to find out that i was a few generations away from the holocaust myself makes hindsight a [PMSing woman minus the chocolate].) but my buddy john who was there to witness it is still my buddy today. why? he accepted my flaws... and he signed the paper that said he'd drive my woozy-from-the-foot-in-mouth-operationed piehole home.

ive been through some life changing things in my life for no reason and most say i wear my heart on my sleeve. inexperience makes me naive in the love game. so when i asked a long, long, longtime born again friend of mine to think about being more than friends with me in my mid twenties, she said she had a chat with god... a few days later, god said i wouldnt be a good idea to date, have fun with, even marry.

i dont have that strong of a brain chemistry (i wanna say psyche but i am not sure i am spelling it right) so i don't feel that was that good of a thing for me to say, giving it the old community college try... but this girl, i thought, was making me want to be a better man - to steal a nicholson line from 'as good as it gets' - and looking back she was good for me at the time. but man i am happy her god was, in fact, looking out for me.

currently i am in a horrible, but paying, job. i live in a nice now 2 bedroom place, one extra room for Gibby my uncle who stays with me when he comes to town, and have a nice functioning ride. things in the single life, albeit lonely (hello blogger.com) couldn't be better. i have what i want minus my own property and a full understanding of my job, but all in all its ok. dying wouldn't be a bad idea either, i just dont have the balls to do it. hopefully cancer or something easier can help with that soon.

last i heard from her was a few years ago. her husband didnt like hearing or reading the email i had sent to her seriously just checking in after she sent a sympathy card after my grandfather died. turns out they were on the outs, she was living with his mother and him with their child. and since their divorce he is in the army and she had been excited about living in a mobile home trailer on her parent's property. very nice for her and her son, but i feel i am better than that.

thanks god.

III

ps... as this one bumper sticker a friend of mine found one day at a festival reads "i was born ok the first time".

I'M LAZY AND ANGRY...

i dunno why this makes me mad but it does...
in life it's the little things... and i will do things like driving around the parking lot for what seems like hours to get a better parking spot. i have been known to go through an entire tank of gas just looking for a parking spot. and for the most part i get the closest one... then as i walk to the store it seems as though every other spot that wasn't available and closer to the door opens up which pisses me off more.

then i get in to the store. i don't care what it is but whatever i am looking for in the store is never in the front. its always in a particular section and it happened again earlier today.
i went to target and found one of the couponner deals there and i was happy cause i got 4 deodorants for 2 bucks. the way it works though is target gives you a $5 card toward your next purchase and my next purchase was there too. without saying what it was (i am not sure when i will let the word out that i've been blogging for a few days now) i can say this. it was on sale for 20 cents a piece but it wasn't in front of the store so i went to the section of the store where it was located (or should have been) and no, it was such a good deal that it was sold out there as well. i stopped an associate and he said the inevitable...:
"sir if you go to the back of the store, in the back corner, you'll find all the things we have on sale for what you are looking for there..."
--where sir?
"the BACK CORNER OF THE STORE..."

are ya flipping kidding me?...

its inevitable every time i go to a store and it doesn't matter what store it is, whatever i am looking for to either buy or check a price on is, ahem, located at the back corner of the store.

if i have the greatest parking space on a particular side of the store the item i would want would be on the opposite side of the store. its like i should ask for a segway to get there or even one of those treadmill/airport walkways may help. my luck though i would have to walk doubly as fast as what i would want would be on the side of the store opposite to the direction of the treadmill/walkway...

camping or automotive stuff at walmart... pet stuff at target... its insane.

i think from now on i will have things delivered to my home for these reasons:

a. already have a great parking space
b. NO PEOPLE
c. its right in front of my door, not in the back corner.

III

ps... ever go to a target sale on a saturday? if, among the above, you hate crying whining kids.... just forgettaboutit!

"SO THIS IS IT HUH FOLKS?"

subject is reaction to carlin's thought on the phrase "the greatest thing since sliced bread..."

reason i am saying this is because i am learning what a pain in the butt couponing is. its not easy and if your store isn't handling your merchandise that day then you can't buy something for nothing. nothing for something? i dunno... it don't work is the point.

what gets my goat is a few things... flippin comcast. i hate 'em, and i only watch certain shows at certain times, mostly either the day-of so i don't have to watch the commercials (an hour later for that reason) or the next day if i don't HAVE to see it then. (like south park... thats a must-see wednesday night thing when the new season starts. cause the watercooler talk is rampant i basically get the whole show from an idiot's point of view here unless i see it myself first anyway.)

and huge possibility in an effort to save money i will have to do this switcheroo thing cause i am looking at 2 fulltime jobs for a year. during which time i would do nothing at home but sleep and eat, stroke the cat, and head back out to work. so i won't have time except on the weekend to watch my DVR so i may as well watch them on hulu or some web based tv.

so i have a wireless internet connection that i have been using to kill my cellphone bill and guess what? its flippin nice! i never get a call from them about using too much service or too much downloading or whatever. only drawback, like the original cellphones, it only works in certain areas. you could say my WIFI clearspot is like the original analog cellphone services. you're lucky if you even get a signal, let alone the other person is trying to get ahold of you. i am, i'd say, the last point before completely free wifi is available everywhere, and if you have a dunce for a neighbor, some get free wifi from their houses. some... but with respect to the "cellphone" aspect of it, my ipod touch works fine for the job which its used for... FREE TEXTING.

since i text more than talk, either on interwebs or phone its all the same, and if its deathly important you can text me to call you and i will either thru my laptop or ipod.... (remember the pager, thirtysomethings???) the nice thing is noone can really get ahold of me unless 3 things occur. 1. i am at work so they call directly. 2. i actually call them back. 3. i feel like participating and call them back. otherwise, well, it can wait till i get to work.

but the nice has its drawbacks... if you can't get ahold of me i fall out of the loop... i find being off facebook already entirely gets me out of the loop so this just furthur pushes me outside of loopdom. also in order for me to receive a call i have to be logged out of google mail, Gmail... since i am always logged in to that you go right to voicemail, which is the last drawback. for one, i like howard stern, not many really do but his humor sticks with me sometimes too much and YEARS ago he recorded on air outgoing voicemail thats a little racy but funny. i mean, it went over FCC regulated radio so how bad can it be right...? ok, its not the greatest message, but its designed to make you laugh and if you don't, well, just leave a dang message. for two, although a nice feature on google voice, the voicemails are transcribed. cool huh? yeah, well, as my cousin kelly put it... its kinda like chinglish... chinese english... you could leave a message saying "the sky is blue" and it may transcribe "this guy grew"... so you still have to listen to the message, but sometimes it turns into its own game of MADLIBS...

looking to remove myself from the cable spectrum all together so i can save enough for a downpayment of a house and to spend over 1200/yr for service that comes and goes and shows that are mostly unwatchable... i am finding out about sites like hulu or xboxlive and netflix (ohh the dreaded netflix... i say that cause their popup on pennlive everyday drives me insane... and the stateworker blocker is just that. it works for 5 minutes and then sleeps...)

so if cable and dvr and such is the greatest thing since sliced bread, this tech society we live in now has to come up with something similar to sliced bread in order to keep me going. life without a TV is hard. i have given up many addictions in life but the TV is heroin to me. its a must have every day. if i don't take in that radiation, that alien from spaceballs won't stop growing in my stomach. and i need that thing to pop out and do a song and dance eventually. ....."baby my heart's on fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiire"...

so hulu for some great shows maybe, i need to find a cheap used xbox or ps3 to complete the wifi connection so i can keep using my laptop for um, laptop duties... and go from there. if i watch one show 4x a month, in the apple app store its 8 dollars/mo... will this add up for me i dunno... maybe appletv is the way to go. so the research starts...NOW.

but i just have one hope... that jeopardy comes thru on the digital antenna... if not i may need a breadknife.

III

back to school...

the ufc decided to have a fight this past weekend and instead of ordering it at home i decided to go out to the bar and watch it... its not a bad thing. you go to the bar, pay a $10 cover, and they give you a $10 card towards food, drinks, etc... in general it evens out, especially because you end up drinking more than $10 during the fights anyway, but for a guy who drinks water all the time (wagonnite since 2/28/09) it means i have to eat something while i am there. their food isn't the greatest, so i had nachos...

(side note... nachos and constipation go hand in hand... take a stool softener with your nachos if you decide to get 2 appetizers full and eat all of them at once... i bet i had 10 tall fat kids diving into the pool last night... i almost wanted an episiotomy.)

looking around the room i found some legs i recognized. it had been a while, but these were thighs i am sure i recognized. in high school i looked down on the floor so much that i could tell you who was walking ahead of me without even seeing her face. these legs were so recognizable i wondered how i knew them so well... once i saw the wall-smacked face though i knew who i was looking at. whats odd though is i don't remember being in many classes with those thighs, i just remembered them. she was an old classmate in high school, and at that exact moment i regressed into my ninth grade former self.

at work i am the quietest yet most vulgar person you know... if i am on the phone with a buddy of mine anything comes out from old comedy routines to those not heard yet... some, in fact, spark an email or something like this current piece of blog. otherwise some days people say "oh, you're here..." ... ... among friends and in nervous groups of people i do what i can to make a joke or make someone laugh... they aren't all winners, but some hit the mark... i am not real good socially, in general i cornerize myself and peoplewatch...  but i can write purdy good, or so they tell me... ... ... in school though i had just about zero confidence in myself and was constantly ridiculed. so i inadvertently memorized the floor tiles and, well anything looking down... so seeing those now varicosed and used thirty some year old legs were a fond yet disappointing memory.

i look nothing like i used to: i have no hair, a beard, i have some weight on myself, and i am with a ton of people. in school i was by myself or with a few people, but not a lively group such as this. yet i felt like i was in high school once again, that guy that felt an inch tall was back and i was nothing but uncomfortable. when the girls walked by me to either use the bathroom or leave i felt those stares at me so they could confirm my identity to joke about it with their friends later. the one girl was a knock kneed whore (imagine that) who noone could imagine how she made it TO high school let alone got through it. well, if you have a lively imagination you could understand how she got an A in some classes...

i just remember the uncomfortability, it was constant when you are the bottom rung of the totem pole in high school... i also remember talking to an old classmate who once apologized for the ridicule a few years after we graduated. he explained his homelife and mentioned that his brother had recently committed suicide. although i admire his brother (because he went thru with it whereas i just dream about it, stopping on a bridge here and there thinking about finishing it all, or where i would pull the trigger of a shotgun barrel in my mouth... naturally in the bathtub so the blood would go down the drain and you could just wipe down the tiles with bleach to clean the blood and brain matter... sorry, its a rarity that i don't think about it... normal for me may be offputting for some.) i couldnt do anything about the past with this classmate. all i could do was let him know i accepted his apology, and would be there for him anytime in the future. what ended up happening was that i realized my home life, as horrible as it was with the constant fighting and all things considered, wasn't all that bad. it had its own way of being brutal, mind you, but i was happy i could be there for him to ridicule, just to get some of that pain out of his system. at the time it wasn't good for me, for my psyche, or for the other kids to not feed from. but for a few minutes out of his life, him ridiculing me made his life not so bad...

once the girls left the bar i told the group i was with that i went to high school with those blondes... they had to wipe the drool from their chins but once i told them a little about them, they were happy to remember the hottest thing about them... the fact that they were gone.

and i was back to feeling 6' tall.

III

WHATS IT LIKE?

WELL, its 3:10... another hour it'll be 3:10:01... thats what its like

complete and total sobriety makes each and every second of your life feel like an eternity. and for someone who can't wait to die, it's worse than a horror movie. because its real life.

thats why its fun to say you are sober for 2.5 years... 'cause sober generally means drinking... when you say clean and sober then you know the social degenerate has had a drug past, and then clean has a whole new meaning.

hey, even show pigs are allowed to wallow in the mud once in a while... which make those seconds go by like, well, seconds...

sobriety can be TAKEN away in a minute. dirt though can be washed away... then yer clean again... i think its best not even to use irish spring. i use cetaphil because my skin demands it. i think irish spring smells the best, but could remind me too much of irish whiskey so i dare not have it in the shower, let alone for a nightcap.

even so, i do miss drinking... more and more i wanna have a sip. but the pride of the time (2.5 years... reality is 2y5m7d) is why i don't.

MY CUBICLE... SMALLER THAN A PRISON CELL

ever think the 3-walled hell you work in is kinda like prison? its something you are forced to do on a daily basis to keep from being jailed, yet its like a prison sentence. it seems the more people are close to "getting out" that they tend to have a countdown ready to go till they are free, to do what they want, any old time...

but think about it... your boss's boss's boss is the warden, your boss's boss is the C.O.'s supervisor, and your boss is the C.O. to make sure you are producing...

and if you get fired, its the same as being on probation until you are happily in a new prison... your parole officer is the unemployment office, making sure you are continually & consistantly looking for that new prison to fall into and you cannot get out until retirement age, once you are usless and unneeded. you get ten years of ACTUAL freedom until your body can't produce its own waste and you get to the age where you can't wipe your own butt, providing younger "inmates" of the former system to be your wipe aides until you die.

i say make my office chair the electric chair and let the powers that be turn on the flow when there's a need for me on the other side.

until then... i got 22 years to go.

sort of like...

some say i am a fine writer and i am not so sure of that but i guess i am one of those books you can't put down... most of the reading i do is online so i understand the first person point of view...

some say i should be an author of a book or so and honestly i have about 6 "chapters" written... but how long does a chapter have to be? or even a book? could this blog be a book? i think in this day and age any words on an assumed page could be considered a book and besides those of value in museums and such, the wave of the future will probably be ridden by e-"books" to furthur damage our eyes like the computer screen has. remember what happens if you sit too close to the tv? well, same thing as before, except the forcefield stopping all that radiation in this case is a keyboard...

so what's all this mean?

i was watching the BBC america station and it showed a guy from top gear who, some say, drives really slow. in fact he is the head man for the job, so he is called "captain slow" on the show. james may has a drinking show all about wines and such as well and what i noticed is this:

english people use "sort of" in place of the american teen's obsession of "like" and use it in the same way:

"this wine tastes, sort of, oaky and goes down your throat with a, sort of, smooth silky texture... "

bring that a bit west and it comes out like this:

"i, like, taste the barrels of oak in the wine and, like, um, enjoy the smoothness of it."

if you watch enough BBC you will notice the english and those from the UK use "sort of" in a way like no other... i can only describe it as one that resembles that of a US teen's use of "like". yet oddly i don't find it annoying like you would from a valley girlish teenager.

some say i repeat myself, but others say it is good to say things more than once to get your point across.

either way, like, to sort of hear more 'some say's, watch the ORIGINAL top gear on the BBC... ! the american version is, sort of, rather it IS a rip off from the stunts they do to everything else. i only saw one of them and it had been an american replica of a top gear rerun i had just seen. and the FACT that they have a new season (the american top gear) shows you why there are no good new movies or tv shows out there anymore...

wow this turned into a side note that should change the sort of like post into a massacre...

but really... Mel Brooks had it right when Colonel Sanders and Helmet were looking to find Lonestar, Barfolomew, Princess Vespa and Dot Matrix when they crash landed on the moon of Vega... they had the VHS copies of the movie made and ready to go before the movie was finished... ("OK PASS THIS, PASS THIS PART... IN FACT NEVER PLAY THIS AGAIN" -- Helmet watching himself fly into the ship's dashboard when they went from ludicrous speed to a dead stop and he crushed his helmet... prequel to the infamous "we're at now, now" scene... ) thats kinda like watching a sequel before watching the prequel when you didn't know the sequel even had a prequel or was it the original movie... ?

ever watch a dog chase its tail? its sort of like that.

III

PS... DONT EXPECT CAPITALIZATION IN THIS BLOG... its more of free flowing thoughts and ideas... if i decide to capitalize i will, if i don't i wont... same with all other forms of punctuation, mostly contractions... and the triple period is my way of writing a period sometimes, other times not... just deal with it.